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Bitchy and bitter

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[02 Oct 2006|10:44pm]

I'm a 24 yr. old single female from PA. I'm writing in this community because I am sick of couples and even more sick of being the 3rd wheel.
I have a close group of about 4 girlfriends. One is married, the other lives with her bf. The 3rd just found a bf over the summer and now spends all her time with him.

I am annoyed and frustrated that now when they make plans, their Bf's always come along, leaving me to be the single girl. They try to say it will be a "group" thing when we go out but it never is. what usually happens is they all pair off with their BF's leaving me by myself with no one to talk to. I'm tired of feeling like the "loser" when i go out with them. i feel like im just "tagging" along. basically for the past 2 months I've been avoiding them and saying I cant go out when they make plans on the weekend. I miss my friends but at the same time, I am really annoyed.

Sometimes they will mention "girls night" but that usually consists of them talking about their Bf's and making double dates with each other. once again, I sit there feeling really pissed off.

I do have other friends to hang out with, HOWEVER they are not single either. Whats with this?

I'm an attractive girl and I do date, but refuse to settle for a guy just to have a bf. where did all the single people go??!!

I just had to get this out there, its been bothering me now for months...I'm glad i found this community.
4 comments|post comment

[21 Aug 2006|05:13pm]

I wrote this a few weeks a go and I just thought that I'd post it here and get some feedback/responses?

Is it bad that I know I’m in love with you and I haven’t even met you yet?

I think that part of the whole issue is that I’m also fantasizing about the ideal me.

I read everything, and I fantasize about being their – being everywhere. Fantasy envelops me. I sometimes fear that I reek of it. I spend most of my time in one fantasy or another, planning what I laughingly call the ‘stories that I will someday write,” not admitting that I’m the hero and the victim and the saver and the saved in all of them.

It’s just that I’m so in love with you, and you’re not even real.

I’m so in love with being in love.

At least you’re so incredibly fake that I won’t be deluded into loving someone like you just because they’re the same. I’m not sure what it says, that my perfect man is so…fake. That he has to take care of me and I still have to be better than him. That part of it all is that I strategically planned all the details so that some things were never an issue. Mostly things related to him. I got all the issues, he had to be perfect. You did. That is.

But every time I’m alone, I imagine. You. Meeting you. Kissing you. Etc, etc. probably part of what makes the fantasy so rich is that I don’t have reality to compare it to. That I can imagine the boy who will do all of the things that I have you doing. And all the things that I imagine you not doing, like the sex.

I’m not sure why the sex is such a big deal to me. Most of my friends have started sleeping with their significant others. And to be frank, it’s not that I even really…mind. Anymore. I just still think it shouldn’t be happening. I don’t think that they should be having sex, I don’t think that I should be having sex before marriage. It is a moral question. It’s a deeply moral question, and you would understand that. And it wouldn’t have anything to do with you being Catholic, which you would be, I’m not sure why expect that I want to raise my kids in an organized religion, again, not sure why except that I wish that I had been and I can’t picture myself converting to anything but Catholicism.

I know that so much of the hang ups come from me and my body. I want you to be able to pick me up, I want you to tell me I’m beautiful. I want you to be just as wild about me as I already am about you. What I’ve I still look like this when I meet you? I know it’ll screw up everything forever. I want you and it is absurd how much I want you considering that I’ve never MET you, I can’t make a clear picture of you in my mind and I can’t even pick a NAME for you. These fantasies I weave. How can I even begin to explain.

The things you could do to win my heart: tell me I’m beautiful, make me feel smart or funny, call me skittish (or bashful…), watch a chick flick with me, especially a Cyrano de Bergerac knock off. Be able to speak a non-English language with me. Pick me up, stop me from drinking to much, legitimately think that sex belongs in marriage, read Harry Potter fan fiction, like musical theater, offer to fix things, be nice to my friends but don’t fall for the ones more beautiful than I.

I dream of...being skinny for you. I dream that when I tell you about my issues that are left over from when I was fat, you won't believe me. Not, you won't believe the issues aren't real, you just can't imagine me any other way. and you can't imagine not thinking I'm beautiful. and you tell me that I am skinny, but you would love me even if I wasn't.

So here’s my request: exist? Someday, please? I lay awake at night sometimes, thinking about how absurd it is that I lay awake, thinking about how my other half is walking around somewhere and I just wish that I knew where he was. Thinking about, does anyone else lay awake doing this? If I meet the right guy, will it even matter because I’ve spent so long not having experience that it won’t matter now that I want it? I’m scared that I’ll never find someone who I want who will have me. I’m also scared that I’ll never find someone I want, at all. Both of those things scare me. And it’s selfish. I want to be held. I want someone to tell me I deserve to be loved the way that I want to be loved.

I always wonder if I’m just chasing a ghosttrain.

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yeah [24 Nov 2005|06:30pm]

This thing is dead burn it I SAY BURN IT.
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[04 Dec 2004|02:09pm]

Why do some people get to be lucky to be happy and loved while all us others get to be lonely and depressed?
3 comments|post comment

Grosssssssssss [15 Nov 2004|06:16pm]

[ mood | infuriated ]

I hate online dating profiles. I always get attention from creepy losers. Some 59 year old guy on conservativematch.com sends me an email with all this biblical scripture. I am a practicing Catholic and it freaked me out. His profile says that he never attends services at church. That is creepy. Not to mention, the fact that he is older than my father, divorced and wants to have children. He wants a stay at home wife. While I respect stay at home mothers, it is not for me. I am going to be a teacher. It just grosses me out.

1 comment|post comment

rawr (i double posted this accidently btw) [15 Nov 2004|10:04am]

Otay I decided that I need to write in this damn thing more often. I really need to revamp the layout. Well hey marching seasons over I have some more free time now.

Anywho. I'm going to complain about how I'm single. This is me complaining...

You know whats gross? Seeing couples make out. I mean ewww. I don't care if its just a kiss I mean that like aww how sweet. but if you start making out and ya do it for a hwile. That's freakign gross. I mean I know you might like your gf or br but jesus fucking christ. Get a fucking room. Or go under the stairwell. Or bathroom. But don't bloody do it the middle of the fucking hall or on someones bloody locker. its mean and it's gross. Especially if your ugly. I kno I sound shallow but dude no one want to other people amke out unless youre insanely hott or if its a movie or something. but NO ONE WANTS TO SEE UGLY PEOPLE MAKE OUT. It pisses me off whn people do that in the middle of a damn hallway. I mean it's annoying enough when people stop in the hallways cause theyre dumbasses and cant walk correctly in the first place when you start making out arghh.

:::end rant:::
2 comments|post comment

Men Suck [12 Nov 2004|12:11pm]

[ mood | crappy ]

Men Suck. All the good ones are taken. The only ones left are gross, geeky, or losers. I also hate all these girls that say that I need to ask a guy out. Seriously, sometimes I feel that this whole "Women's Lib" movement ruined it for us. Turned us all into men. I don't want to have to ask a guy out. A man should have enough balls to ask me out. I don't want a man if he is not manly enough to pursue me.

7 comments|post comment

[11 Nov 2004|06:15pm]

[ mood | bitchy ]

So I joined this because I am tired of love always happening for other people and not me. It is as if love is for a lucky few, and I am not in that lucky few. I am tired of men saying one thing and doing another. I am tired of guys saying that they want a smart girl, when what they mean is a smart girl who is not smarter than them. I am tired of men saying they want a chick with some meat on their bones but going to teeny tiny twigs. I am tired of men my age because they don't have their FREAKIN ACTS TOGETHER. I hate happy couple. They suck. Wow, this makes me feel better. Am I allowed to do this everyday?

6 comments|post comment

[13 Sep 2004|09:00pm]

so i just joined and i thought id share my " i hate guys" story,lol...

Theres this kid who ive known since 6th grade, im now in 12th, and i didnt see him since like 9thgrade and weve always been friends and so one night we were talking online and decided that he should come over, so he did. when he left we made out. and since then we would always hang out and make out and stuff...and i knew that he was also with this other girl well call her jackie, but he didnt know who he wanted ot be with...me or her. and he has already screwed jackie over twice with his ex gf...and so one day liek last week i didnt recieve any text,i wasnt online bc of the hurricane, so when i got the chance to go online i IMed him and told him to text me. he did and said we needed to talk so i said i know... he said i made a decision...i said and its jackei and he said yes. so yadda yadda yadda,were still friends but i hardly talk to him, i tlak to his friends like everyday and stuff , and he wonders why i dont talk to him he expects me to IM him...but i dont i wait for him. but im still super nice lol...but yeah i dont like boys
6 comments|post comment

[05 Sep 2004|07:13pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

Hello, everyone. I heard about this and noticed there were like two members so I am joining. At first the idea scared me but then Granville pissed me off. Shall I rant? OK! Well , he said he would call me the night of the hurricane ( sat I think ), and he doesn't. THe next day at noon he calls me for five minutes from wesley and I asked him why and he didn't give me a reason ... $%$#%#$. Then I asked why he didn't answer me and he said "the phone was in the other room" %$^%$^. SO I am pissed and he hangs up. Then I call him and he asks whats wrong and i tell him and he it relaying everything I fucking say to Wesley and Wesley and him laugh. I was so pissed I hung up on him and signed on on the internet. I never thought Granville would be such a dick. HE was talking to wesley while on the phone with me on the first call too. I can't believe him " steams shoots from ears " . Men are insensitive dogs. EVERY LAST ONE. I am now gay.

4 comments|post comment

Newbie [03 Sep 2004|10:41pm]

[ mood | aggravated ]

Hi, I'll post first, I guess. I'm Lauren, and I'm bitterly single. So, yeah, hi. If you aren't miserable and lonely, I hate you. If you are, I hate you. Have a nice day.

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The first official post. Don't you just lurve the bg? [03 Sep 2004|01:34am]

OK sure it's a bit happy but when I feel like I'm in an angry crazy crap mood I'll put and angry destructive looking layout. If anyone ever finds this community. I really hope it spreads tho. So those of you who actually see this pleaseeeee join. This community is'nt only dedicated to the whole OMG HES SUCH A JERK!! You can talk about past relationships or wht happned between you and a person you liked. Whether if the relationship turned out well or not. Please no bashing other members in teh community. Please be polite and couteous to other members.


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